How do you know?
by AnAshBlackSword
Summary: Melody is Prowl and Jazz's four vorn old sparkling, and she has the habit of questioning the what, when, why and especially the 'how' of everything around her. Prowl uses this to his advantage as any good tactician should to the dismay of many. But what happens when Prowl gets a taste of his own medicine from Ratchet? Pure fluff and humor. Minor Prowl x Jazz.
1. Jazz is a tree?

**A/N: This is a Christmas special that the plot bunnies went rabid with, and now I've planned three parts but there may possibly be more since the bunnies really, really like this. The second part will be up late on Boxing day and the next on New Year's day. I hope you enjoy it as it's ridiculously fluffy and packed with humour!**

 **I hope you all have a nice Christmas Eve and enjoy the story!**

 **-AnAshBlackSword**

 **DISCLAIMER! - I don't own transformers, I only own my OC Melody.**

 **Melody's POV**

Melody shrieked with delight as Daddy threw her up towards the ceiling before catching her.

"Higher Daddy! Higher!" The black, silver and pink femmeling crowed as she went spinning through the air but was always caught in safe servos as she fell back down.

"Yah wan' tah go higher li'l spark?" Daddy asked her, blue visor shining brightly and she squealed with joy.

"Yeah Daddy, yeah!" She replied and Daddy grinned.

"Ah'll give yah heigh' sparklet!" Daddy laughed as he tossed her high up in the air, but on the way back down she was intercepted by a different, but still safe pair of servos. She blinked as she was held upside-down to see Sire standing there with a small smile on his faceplate.

"I think that is quite high enough." Sire chuckled and Melody pouted.

"Aww! But Sire!"

"Aww, but Prowl!"

"No buts, either of you. After all, I wouldn't want my favourite femmelet to go through the ceiling." Sire said seriously as he turned Melody the right way up and cradled her to his shoulder plating. She was a small sparkling, even by sparkling terms and as Sire was taller than Daddy she was higher off the ground here which she enjoyed.

"But Sire?" Melody asked, even though Sire had just said not to.

"Yes?" Sire asked as he vented in amusement.

"What happens if I tell the ceiling 'No' like Daddy said to say if I don't want to do something? I don't want to go through the ceiling so I'll say no!" She crowed triumphantly. Now here was an excellent solution. To her surprise, both Sire and Daddy laughed at her.

"Sparklet, it don' quite work like tha'." Daddy said and she turned to frown at him.

"But you said..." Melody protested.

"Ah know, but tha' only works on things that are alive swee'spark. Tah ceiling ain' alive so it can' listen tah yah." Daddy explained and Melody's faceplate creased up further.

"How do you know Daddy? It could be."

"I'm pretty sure it ain'." Daddy answered and Melody sighed into Sire's shoulder plating – that would have to do for now though she'd still be watching the ceiling later to make sure it wasn't alive just in case Daddy was wrong. You never knew these things.

Sire carried her to the sofa, and she squirmed on his chassis as he wrapped his other arm around Daddy. Daddy had just got back after going away again which meant Sire was in a much better mood and so was Melody. She missed Daddy when he went away and didn't understand why he had to go all the time. He'd said he would explain when she was older, but Melody didn't know how much older was old enough.

Her Sire flicked on the holonet, and it turned instantly to some very loud music that had both Melody and Sire glaring at Daddy.

"Jazz, I did tell you not to leave the music on that loud if you are going to listen to it at that volume in my absence." Sire reprimanded, though she caught the amusement in his voice. Melody leaned over Sire's arm to give Daddy her best Sire-face. Sire-faces were fun to pull at Daddy.

"Yeah Daddy. It makes my audios ouch." Melody said and Daddy reached out to tap her on the nose-plating.

"Don' glare like tha' spark, yah faceplate will stick like Prowlers." Daddy grinned as revenge for the music. Melody grinned as Sire raised an unimpressed optic ridge at him.

"My faceplate is not stuck, especially not like that." Sire protested.

"Is." Daddy insisted which made Sire sigh as he shook his faceplate in amusement, Melody giggling in his arms.

After Sire had turned it over to some more suitable music, Daddy pulled Sire up to dance with him – Melody being passed back to Daddy. She frowned at the height difference and looked up at Sire.

"You're too short Daddy. Grow." She commanded her Creator, just like Sire had said to do and Daddy turned to frown at her.

"Ah can't do tha' sparklet. Yah stop growin' when yah get older." Daddy replied and Melody frowned – Sire had said if she told Daddy to grow taller then he would.

"Sire told me that if I asked nicely then you would grow, like one of those tree thingies – but he did say not to ask too nicely or you'd grow roots in the floor." Melody said seriously and Sire groaned as Daddy gave him an odd look before shaking his helm in amusement.

"Sire was bein' silleh spark – ah can' grow roots or grow anymore at tha'. Ah don' know why he woul' say tha' yah coul' either." Daddy answered, nudging Sire meaningfully which made Sire smile in the way that meant he knew something Daddy didn't. Melody sighed – it was a shame Daddy wouldn't grow taller.

"Okay Daddy." She answered before frowning at him again as her favourite question crossed her processor. "But how do you know?" She asked as she always did when someone told her something. You had to make sure of these things.

"Because ah ain' ah tree sparklet." Daddy answered which made Sire snort.

"But how are you sure?" She asked seriously. "Sire says you need to make sure of …. Things." She said, not remembering the big word her Sire had used. "So, what if you are a tree? A tree in disguise?" Melody asked, aware that Sire was laughing behind her.

"Ah highly doubt it spark. Trees don' work like tha'." Daddy sighed, glaring at Sire the whole time though he was smiling a little as he did so.

"I'll watch you then, just in case." The femme offered generously. "So you don't grow roots in the floor and make Sire sad since he cleans it allllll the time." She said, putting emphasis on the word 'all'. Floor cleaning was boring, but Sire was obsessed with cleanliness.

"Alrigh' swee'spark, but ah'm tellin' yah it ain' gonna happen." Daddy vented. Melody knew she had a lot of work ahead – watching the ceiling and the floor all the time was going to take a lot of work but she knew she could do it.

"You could be a tree Jazz." Sire said seriously and Daddy groaned.

"Stop encouragin' 'er yah … erm… scraplet." Daddy said, making sure not to use a bad word Melody had heard the twins using once before they had been smacked by Uncle Ratchet. Uncle Ratchet was her favourite Uncle, along with Uncle Ironhide and Uncle Optimus and Uncle Mirage and Uncle Smokescreen and…

Well, all her Uncles were her favourite really. But, Uncle Ratchet did tell the best stories – after Daddy and Sire of course.

"I am encouraging curious behaviour." Sire answered pleasantly.

"Sure." Daddy answered in that tone of voice that meant he didn't believe Opi. "Yah are up tah somethin' ain' yah?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Sire asked cheerfully and Daddy sighed.

"Why oh why did yah 'ave tah be head tactician? Yah are plannin' something." Daddy insisted and Sire shook his helm again. Melody tilted her helm at Sire curiously as she wondered what he was up to, but as she couldn't work it out thought nothing more of it.

 **Five cycles later, Med-bay, Jazz's POV**

"Melody would you come over here please?" Ratchet asked and Jazz sighed as his femmelet only stared harder at his peds. This behaviour had been going on for the past five cycles as she was now firmly convinced Jazz was actually a tree in disguise. Most of this was thanks to Prowl, who actively encouraged the behaviour even though it was illogical.

Jazz knew why of course – it was Prowl's revenge for Jazz drinking the last of the high grade.

"One click please Uncle Ratchet, I'm making sure that Daddy isn't growing roots in the floor." Melody answered and Prowl snorted beside Jazz as Jazz himself groaned. Ratchet just looked confused as he tilted his helm at the sparkling curiously.

"Why would Jazz grow roots in the floor Melody?" Ratchet asked slowly and the femmelet turned to come over to him, Ratchet picking her up and placing her on the berth to scan her. It was to keep an optic on her growth as that was very important as this age.

"Because he might be a tree Uncle Ratchet." Melody answered sweetly and Ratchet just looked even more confused as he shot Jazz an odd look.

"Why would you think that dearspark?" He asked, but really the question was directed at Prowl and Jazz. Jazz vented again as he answered it for her.

"Because Prowler told her if she asked nicely ah'd grow, like ah tree. Unfortunately, she now thinks ah am ah tree an' Mist'a tactician 'ere won' tell her otherwise." Jazz groaned long sufferingly and Ratchet raised an optic ridge at Prowl who was struggling to keep a straight faceplate.

"So now I have to watch him to make sure he doesn't grow roots in the floor see! I also have to watch the ceiling to make sure it isn't alive." Melody said seriously and Ratchet vented heavily. Prowl chuckled beside Jazz – sometimes their sparkling could come out with the oddest things due to her nature of questioning the 'What, when, why' and especially 'How' of everything. He

"I'm not going to ask, but let me tell you that as a medic it isn't possible for Jazz to be a tree sparklet – he isn't organic and you need to be organic to grow a tree. And I know that because the scans said so and the scans are always right remember?" Ratchet asked and she sighed before nodding. Jazz vented in relief – once Ratchet had noticed that Melody didn't believe most thing said to her as asked 'But how do you know?' for practically everything, he had helped Prowl and Jazz to reinforce the idea that his medical scans were always right so they could make her be quiet by telling her that.

"Yeah. I'm glad you aren't a tree Daddy." Melody said sweetly and Jazz smiled at her.

"So am ah sparklet." He replied seriously, if only to humour her and get a snort out of Prowl as the tactician's faceplate curved into a smile for a moment. Even though it meant his plan was foiled, Jazz knew Prowl would think up some other way to get revenge. He planned to re-stock the high-grade long before that happened though and prevent Prowl from convincing their sparklings he was any other kind of odd object.

"I can watch the ceiling more now." Melody said the next moment and Jazz shot Ratchet a pleading look as he saw Prowl open his mouth in the hopes the medic would help him.

"The scans also say the ceiling isn't alive." Ratchet intervened and Jazz leaned back in relief whilst Prowl just looked mildly annoyed.

"Oh. Okay. Well that's good." Melody grinned at him as he scanned her. Jazz turned to grin at Prowl triumphantly – plans foiled, for now. All he had to do now was get that high grade back in and then convince Melody Prowl was some kind of odd object. He'd even bribe Ratchet to tell her the scans said so if it meant he could get his own back.

"Indeed." Ratchet stated as he resumed scanning her.

 **:: I don't know what you've done, but I suggest you fix it quickly since your bondmate looks positively devious. ::** Ratchet told Jazz over private intercom.

 **:: Yeah. Ah'll actualleh do tha' now. Thanks fer helpin' meh back there. ::**

 **:: Hmph. The twins have hidden my wrench collection – I need it back to keep them from getting out of control. ::** Ratchet sent back, and Jazz grinned – he could find those wrenches easily and quickly.

 **:: Done. Ah'll stop by with 'em tahnigh'. ::** Jazz answered as he got to his peds and made his way to the door.

"Where are you going love?" Prowl asked in a sweeter tone than he normally used in public and Jazz resisted the urge to glare at him – Prowl knew perfectly well where he was going as he could feel it over the bond but was forcing Jazz to concede defeat by saying it out loud. Deciding it was in his best interests to make a tactical retreat for now, Jazz answered the question.

"Shoppin'. Ah'll be back later. 'ave fun swee'spark." He said, addressing the last part towards his femmelet and Melody waved as Prowl just sent him that evil, knowing smile.

Sometimes Jazz could have sworn he'd bonded to Megatron and not Prowl.

However, he'd get his own back later by employing the twins. They'd be more than happy to help him execute revenge.


	2. Sunstreaker is an Organic?

As soon as Melody knew Jazz wasn't a tree, she unfortunately got it into her processor that everyone else might be some sort of odd object in disguise. Prowl and Jazz thought it was adorable and hilarious to watch their sparkling staring at random mecha for prolonged periods of time to check they weren't hiding as some kind of off object. So, she would stare at the peds of various 'bots for incredibly long periods of time which made everyone laugh.

Even Optimus Prime couldn't hold back his laughter when she came up to him and asked him if he was a giant energon treat (as hinted at by the twins who had thought it might make Optimus glitch.) It was only when Prowl got a particular idea in his helm that things started to get interesting.

Sunstreaker had been bothering Prowl more than usual and the tactician had originally suspected Jazz had been bribing him to do it, but it had been far too long for that now and Jazz was actually off-base which meant he had nothing to do with it and Sunstreaker was just acting up to annoy Prowl.

Currently, half the base had onlined to find they were painted some hideous colour, or covered in glitter and other odd, hard to remove materials, the walls had been covered in a mixture of both, datapads stolen from all the offices of high command and the energon had been spiked to either overcharge you or give you tank upset – both of which were not pleasant as Prowl had found out when he'd had the misfortune to get both in the same day.

Prowl was at his wit's end and had decided enough was enough.

"Melody?" Prowl asked and his sparkling looked up from where she was watching a dance show Jazz had recorded on the holonet, tapping her peds in time with the beat of the music much like Jazz also did. The sight made Prowl smile as she looked over.

"Yeah Sire?" She asked as Prowl sat down next to her and she cuddled into him, Prowl cradling her close.

"Have you found out if anyone is in disguise yet?" Prowl asked and Melody sighed, her tiny wings drooping.

"No Sire. I'm sure they are though."

"I am sure too, at least about one particular 'bot." Prowl said wickedly and Melody turned to look at him with wide, innocent optics.

"Who is it Sire?"

"Uncle Sunny."

"Oh no!" Melody vented, sounding dismayed at the idea. "He isn't…. an organic kind of material is he? He really wouldn't like that." She added, which made Prowl grin inwardly. Here was a golden opportunity.

"In fact, my scans indicate he could be some kind of organic known as a 'human.'" Prowl said, deliberately using the most greasy, oily creature he could think of. Humans lived on a planet named after dirt which was even more convenient as Sunstreaker also hated dirt.

Primus help Sunny if they ever had to go there!

"Oh dear. I'll have to watch him, and I'll ask Sides. He might know." Melody said wisely and Prowl smiled down at his creation as she nestled into him.

"You do that." Prowl chuckled as his battle computers listed the outcome of this scenario. All of them were satisfactory to his scheming mind, and he absentmindedly cradled Melody closer as he worked out which one was the most likely to happen. When it had decided, he did an inward dance of victory. Oh yes, that would most definitely do.

 **The next cycle, Chromia's POV**

Currently, Chromia was holding Melody whilst Jazz and Prowl were in a meeting. She was in the rec room with Ironhide and the twins were on the sofa with them, along with various other 'bots in the room. All the 'bots on the sofa were more than happy to let Melody either crawl all over them, although she did often stop to stare at a certain 'bot for a long time before moving on. Chromia thought it was cute.

"Sideswipe?" Melody asked as she moved on the red twin and Sideswipe grinned at her.

"Yeah Mel?" He asked, using her nickname.

"Is Sunstreaker is a human in disguise?" Melody asked seriously and both Sunny and Sides stared to stare at her as everyone else snorted with laughter. Chromia knew that Prowl had probably given her that idea to take revenge on Sunstreaker after the mech had played several pranks across base. She was actually quite relieved – it was high time the golden twin stopped acting as bad as, if not worse than his brother.

"I am not a dirty, greasy, organic Mel." Sunny sighed and Melody frowned at him.

"But how do you know?" She asked, using her favourite question and making Ironhide, Chromia and Sideswipe smile. Sunstreaker just looked annoyed as he searched for an answer.

"Ratchet said so." Sunstreaker said wisely, knowing the mention of the medic would usually stop the 'how did you know' question as she had the utmost faith in Ratchet's scans. Clever mech.

"I'll ask him." Melody said as Ratchet conveniently walked in and she jumped off Sides to toddle over to him, the medic picking her up so she didn't get underped. She was so tiny that anyone could have easily injured her greatly if they accidentally kicked or stepped on her.

"Ask me what spark?" Ratchet asked as he gave Tracks a meaningful look which made the mech groan and stomp off in the direction of the med-bay. Nobody enjoyed check-ups.

"Do the scans say if Sunny might be a human in disguise?"

"Honestly, just tell her I'm not any kind of organic in disguise Ratchet." Sunstreaker demanded and Ratchet cocked him helm at Sunstreaker before pursing his lipplates. Chromia could literally see the idea running through the medic's helm – this was a perfect revenge opportunity and they all knew it. Ratchet grinned evilly at Sunstreaker and then looked seriously at Melody.

"Do you know Melody, the scans say it might just be possible. You'll have to watch him to make sure." Ratchet said seriously and Sunny spluttered in rage as everyone else laughed.

"I AM NOT AN ORGANIC! ESPECIALLY NOT A GREASY, DIRTY LITTLE FLESHBAG." Sunstreaker yelled, making Ironhide snort beside Chromia as she frowned.

"No shouting in front of Melody Sunstreaker, or Prowl and Jazz'll have you welded to the base ceiling again." Chromia chuckled, remembering the event with fondness. It had taken a while to get them down but the looks on their faceplates when they onlined on the ceiling had been well worth it.

"The scans don't lie Sunny. Never, ever, ever." Melody told him. "Even sparklings know that, so maybe you are a human if you don't know that since humans aren't as intelligent as us since they don't have computers in their brains." The sparkling deduced, making everyone howl again except Ratchet who kept a straight faceplate as he handed her back to Ironhide. Mel crawled back to Sunny and Chromia smiled as she began staring at him intently.

"I am not an organic." Sunny grumbled and Melody frowned.

"Would you be unhappy if you were? Would it make you sad?" She asked seriously and Sunnstreaker nodded.

"Yes." He replied shortly and Melody hugged him.

"Aww, don't be sad if you are an organic Sunny. We'll all still love you!" Melody comforted as though afraid Sunny might burst into tears in front of her. She mistook Sunstreaker's splutter for sobs as she pulled away and patted his cheek. "Don't cry."

"I'm not." Sunny said, still a little too harshly for Chromia's liking as Sideswipe grinned.

"Yeah bro, I'll still love you if you are an organic so there's no need to cry dude." Sideswipe said and Sunstreaker glared at him.

"Shut. Up."

"Sunstreaker!" Ironhide said in warning tone. The last time Sunstreaker had told Sideswipe to 'Shut it' , Melody hadn't stopped parroting it until Prowl came back and by that time she'd burned their audios out.

"Use your nice words." Melody told him, imitating Prowl perfectly. Sunstreaker sighed.

"Sideswipe, please be quiet. You are giving me an audio ache." He said and Melody beamed at him.

"Much better, Sunny! Maybe you have an audio ache because you are an organic – they also have sensitive audio receptors." Mel said and Sunny vented heavily, not bothering to correct her as everyone laughed at him. Sunstreaker just looked annoyed as he realised the entire base, even his brother was determined to convince Melody he was an organic.

Chromia personally thought it was worth it as they all put up with his arrogant, grumpy, vain self every cycle. It was nice revenge at least, and she'd be thanking Prowl later for his brilliant revenge plan.

"Come over here spark?" Chromia asked and Melody crawled back to her, leaning on Chromia's chassis with a happy sigh. It made Chromia happy that the little one felt safe with her and Ironhide as she was a sweet sparkling – if very prone to overquestioning everything, especially with the 'How do you know' question. Ratchet, who had known Prowl since he was a youngling said Prowl had been much the same which was why he had used the 'scans are always right' tactic.

It worked mercifully, or there would be far more questions that there were currently and as much as Chromia loved the dearspark, she also liked her audio receptors and sanity as did everyone other mech on base – especially Jazz and Prowl.

"Aunty Chromia? Can you help me watch Sunny to make sure he isn't an organic?"

"Of course dearspark. So will everyone else on base as we all need to make sure he isn't an organic in disguise if the scans say he might be." Chromia answered seriously and Sunstreaker sent her a venomous look.

"I will assist you." Ironhide said, optics twinkling.

"Me too."

"Yeah, I'll help!"

"And me!"

Various voices joined in gleefully, each having had a fight with Sunstreaker at some point.

Sunstreaker just glared before standing up and storming out of the rec. room, making everyone burst into laughter as Melody just gave Chromia a confused look.

"Is he going to be okay?" She asked worriedly and Chromia patted her helm soothingly.

"He'll be fine dearspark, don't worry about it. Sunstreaker's just got a stick up … his erm…"

"Rear end." Sideswipe offered helpfully.

"Yep, rear end."

"Shouldn't we get it out? That would hurt." Melody cried out, not understanding it was a figure of speech.

"That's not quite what I meant dearspark. What I'm trying to say is, he'll be fine. We'll just need to watch him." Chromia said as Melody curled into her, nodding her helm.

"Okay." She replied happily and Chromia grinned – she was going to make these next few cycles as brutal as possible for Sunstreaker. Call it her revenge for onlining to find herself pink with half her datapads missing the other cycle.

 **Prowl's POV, his office. 5 cycles later**

For the next few cycles, Prowl watched with glee as Sunstreaker constantly got asked if he was an organic, a human, or any other variety of odd, organic creature. He got constantly elbowed when Melody came bouncing along to stare at him for at least an orn per cycle, and he was the joke of the ark which began to take a serious impact on his pride.

Even Sideswipe went along with it, which surprised Prowl but at the same time was hilarious to watch.

The best thing of all was when Prime himself made Sunstreaker sit out of training at the insistence he might not be able to handle the weapons if he was organic. Sunstreaker had stormed out with a flaming red faceplate and half the base collapsed with laughter every time they saw him. Even Ratchet could no longer keep a straight faceplate when treating the minor injuries of the twin.

It was only a matter of time before Sunstreaker came to Prowl to ask him to tell Melody he wasn't an organic, as well as apologise for all the mess he'd made with his pranks. To Prowl's delight, Jazz had walked in to his office earlier on that orn as he was back for a mission when Sunstreaker arrived.

Of course, Jazz was confused as to what was going on but Prowl told him to play along and so he did.

"Yes, Sunstreaker?" Prowl asked seriously as Jazz folded his arms beside him, making Sunstreaker look more nervous and embarrassed than he already was.

"I've… um…. Come to apologise."

"For?" Prowl asked pleasantly.

"Making a nuisance of myself and all the pranks I played on everyone." Sunstreaker got out, sounding like it was an effort for him to even say the words – which it probably was due to his prideful nature.

"And?" Prowl asked, knowing there was more coming.

"I… um… came to ask if you could… um… tell Melody I wasn't an organic? Especially not a human." Sunstreaker said and Prowl leaned forward, resisting the urge to grin.

"And why should I do that?" Prowl asked calmly and a look of utter horror crossed Sunstreaker's faceplate contemplating the possibility that Prowl might not do it. Prowl would of course, but Sunstreaker didn't know that and was willing to do anything to get the teasing to stop.

"I'll take any punishment – anything, even wash-rack cleaning duty for however long you want." Sunstreaker said, choosing the most hated of punishments. Cleaning the wash-racks meant actually cleaning the drains and waste disposal tanks which was the most hated of jobs and considered to be a harsher punishment that brig duty. Sunstreaker hated it the most due to his love of his paint job.

"Anything?" Prowl confirmed and Sunstreaker nodded, looking as though he was about to grovel at Prowl's peds to get Prowl to call of his sparkling.

"Okay then. You'll be doing whatever punishment I see fit for the next quarter-vorn and if you play any pranks on anyone during that time, I will tell Melody you are some form of organic waste." Prowl said, making Sunstreaker gasp in horror. "You will also apologise to everyone you played a prank on and clean up any remaining mess which is actually quite a lot and later this cycle I'll tell Melody you are not an organic. Understood?"

"Understood."

"Dismissed." Prowl said cheerfully and Sunstreaker practically sprinted out of his office. Prowl didn't reprimand him for it and neither did Jazz – the Autobots knew when the right time to retreat was. They waited until the door had closed, and Jazz gave an odd choking vent. Prowl snorted, and the next moment they were both double-over laughing so hard they cried.

"Primus. Wha' did 'e do tah deserve tha'?" Jazz got out as the laughter subsided a little.

"I'll fill you in later this cycle, as will the rest of the ark. He was being so much of a nuisance I thought he merited a punishment of a higher degree." Prowl chuckled.

"So yah set Melody on 'im?"

"I did. A good tactician uses everything he has to his advantage. I've done it with you before." Prowl shrugged, remembering the numerous orns he had requested Jazz to help him deal with the various pranksters onboard the ark.

"True. Can ah jus' say again how glad ah am yah ain' ah 'con?" Jazz said meaningfully with a wince.

"If you think that, then I am doing my job correctly. Now come, we need to pick up Melody from Ratchet – she's missed you a lot." Prowl said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around his partner, Jazz leaning his helm on Prowl's shoulder plating.

"Can't say no tah tha'." Jazz agreed.


End file.
